I forgive, but I also learn a lesson. I won't hate you, But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again. I can't let my forgiveness become my foolishness

Often times people do not understand me. If they read this article i found perhaps you may:
Signs That You're An Empath
By Health Prep Staff
Do you often just instinctively know how a complete stranger is feeling? Have you frequently noticed someone else's feelings seem to have 'rubbed off' on to you? Perhaps you are someone who seems to feel every emotion extremely profoundly, even if its something simple. These are all signs you are an empath. An empath is someone highly sensitive to what others around them are feeling. Often, empaths aren't even aware of their heightened sensitivity. If you suspect you may be an empath, here are the signs of empathetic abilities you probably have experienced at some point .
Highly Intuitive
An empath is a highly intuitive individual, and they seem to just know things. Not specific things or actions, but more like the emotions surrounding them. If an individual has had a rough past, an empath will be able to pick up on past hurt and pain, and if someone has an optimistic future, an empath will be able to sense the hope and excitement. If someone is in love, the empath can sense it immediately. The individual often doesn't have to say or do anything to tip off an empath, who can simply feel the vibes coming from others.
Naturally Helpful
Because empaths are so in tune with feelings, they often want to help others as much as possible. They can sense when someone needs help and the gratitude of an individual when they are being helped. Whether consciously or subconsciously, this gratitude tends to be motivation for an empath to continue to help others so they can experience the gratuitous feeling over and over. Being naturally helpful and experiencing the feeling that goes with it can bring a sense of harmony and peace to the world. All empaths secretly desire for the whole world to be in a feeling of harmony and peace.
Highly Observant
Empaths could make great private detectives because they notice and observe everything even without realizing they are doing it. An empath can glance at an individual and observe their clothing, hairstyle, makeup, and tell exactly what motivated them to dress that way. The highly observant empath pays attention to minor details such as the color of an individual's buttons, the way someone smiles, or the notes of a lovely scent. They may notice a co-worker suddenly working more or less. More importantly, empaths can sense how these things make someone feel. No matter how much someone tries to hide their feelings, an empath can observe things about that person and just instantly know what emotions are in their head.
Naturally Sensitive
Being naturally sensitive is one of the main traits of an empath, as it is what allows them to pick up on how others are feeling. However, being naturally sensitive can also be a bit of a nuisance in an empath's life. Until empaths learn to control their ability, being naturally sensitive can rule the empath's own emotions. For example, if someone is extremely sad, an empath can become extremely sad also, and may even cry and feel worse than the other person does. Because of this sensitivity, many empaths take on the weight of the world when terrible things happen. It can sometimes be very overwhelming for them.
Empathetic And Compassionate
Have you ever heard someone say, "I know how you feel?" Well if an empath says this to you, they actually mean it. Empaths can pick up on almost any emotion, so by the time they have reached a certain age they have experienced almost every emotion in the book. This means empaths can be a lot more understanding and compassionate than most individuals because they know what it feels like to be dealing with the same types of feelings. They can also sense a person's genuine intentions, so this makes them even more empathetic and compassionate than others.
Crowds Are Often Overwhelming
Individuals with intuitive empathy can often be overwhelmed by crowds. The huge amount of noise and conflicting emotions can lead to a feeling of sensory overload. It might be difficult to stay centered and grounded when around crowds, and you may feel 'lost' in the emotions of others. Individuals who exhibit this sign may have difficulty in places like malls, airports, sporting events, parades, and other areas that have many people. One thing that may help when dealing with crowds is to focus on your own internal emotions. Rather than letting the feelings of others influence you, you should pay attention to what's happening in your own head.
Negativity Is Overwhelming
Empaths often find negativity is overwhelming. Some individuals develop intuitive empathy as a result of growing up in volatile home environments, which can make them even more sensitive to negative atmospheres. Other people tend to have varying tolerance levels for anger, conflict, and raised voices. However, empaths have little to no tolerance for these things. Negative atmospheres can have a detrimental effect, leading empaths to feel anxious, nauseous, and like they're in pain. They might crave a calm, peaceful environment. Many empaths take on an appeasing role in their social relationships, whether that be romantic relationships, relationships with children, friendships, or work relationships. They may sacrifice their own point of view or desires to keep from troubling the waters.
Low Pain Tolerance
If you're an empath, you may have a low pain tolerance, which means it's harder for you to deal with physical pain than for others. Dealing with minor injuries, feeling nauseated, and getting shots are all experiences that can make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. You might even have had doctors express surprise that you experience pain or discomfort with normally-painless procedures. For some individuals with intuitive empathy, doctor's offices and hospitals can send their senses into overdrive because they're picking up on the fear and discomfort of the people surrounding them. Empaths may also feel faint when they get injured or have to deal with pain.
Easy To Spot Lies
Empaths often find it quite easy to spot lies. They might also be more sensitive about the truth. Many intuitive empaths get extremely upset when they or their loved ones are lied to. Even well-meaning white lies or lies of omission can be upsetting. Empaths notice lies because they pick up on the subconscious emotional cues of those around them. When they're attuned to what a person is feeling and how they communicate, falsehoods and discrepancies become much more apparent. Empaths typically prefer to have proof of facts rather than taking others at face value. They may be sensitive because of having been lied to in the past.
More Sensitive To Medications
Many empaths report being more sensitive to medications than the average person. This often means they might also have a high sensitivity to stimulants. While others can't get by without a morning cup of coffee, caffeine may make you feel agitated and anxious if you are an empath. If you have caffeine in the afternoon or evening, you won't be able to sleep at night. You may find you have frequent side effects or intolerant reactions to different medications. Instead of being able to manage average prescribed doses, empaths may only be able to take a fraction of the medicine without experiencing side effects. This can make it difficult to find medications that work for any number of conditions, both temporary and chronic.

Often times people do not understand me. If they read this article i found perhaps you may:

Signs That You're An Empath
By Health Prep Staff
Do you often just instinctively know how a complete stranger is feeling? Have you frequently noticed someone else's feelings seem to have 'rubbed off' on to you? Perhaps you are someone who seems to feel every emotion extremely profoundly, even if its something simple. These are all signs you are an empath. An empath is someone highly sensitive to what others around them are feeling. Often, empaths aren't even aware of their heightened sensitivity. If you suspect you may be an empath, here are the signs of empathetic abilities you probably have experienced at some point .
Highly Intuitive
An empath is a highly intuitive individual, and they seem to just know things. Not specific things or actions, but more like the emotions surrounding them. If an individual has had a rough past, an empath will be able to pick up on past hurt and pain, and if someone has an optimistic future, an empath will be able to sense the hope and excitement. If someone is in love, the empath can sense it immediately. The individual often doesn't have to say or do anything to tip off an empath, who can simply feel the vibes coming from others.
Naturally Helpful
Because empaths are so in tune with feelings, they often want to help others as much as possible. They can sense when someone needs help and the gratitude of an individual when they are being helped. Whether consciously or subconsciously, this gratitude tends to be motivation for an empath to continue to help others so they can experience the gratuitous feeling over and over. Being naturally helpful and experiencing the feeling that goes with it can bring a sense of harmony and peace to the world. All empaths secretly desire for the whole world to be in a feeling of harmony and peace.
Highly Observant
Empaths could make great private detectives because they notice and observe everything even without realizing they are doing it. An empath can glance at an individual and observe their clothing, hairstyle, makeup, and tell exactly what motivated them to dress that way. The highly observant empath pays attention to minor details such as the color of an individual's buttons, the way someone smiles, or the notes of a lovely scent. They may notice a co-worker suddenly working more or less. More importantly, empaths can sense how these things make someone feel. No matter how much someone tries to hide their feelings, an empath can observe things about that person and just instantly know what emotions are in their head.
Naturally Sensitive
Being naturally sensitive is one of the main traits of an empath, as it is what allows them to pick up on how others are feeling. However, being naturally sensitive can also be a bit of a nuisance in an empath's life. Until empaths learn to control their ability, being naturally sensitive can rule the empath's own emotions. For example, if someone is extremely sad, an empath can become extremely sad also, and may even cry and feel worse than the other person does. Because of this sensitivity, many empaths take on the weight of the world when terrible things happen. It can sometimes be very overwhelming for them.
Empathetic And Compassionate
Have you ever heard someone say, "I know how you feel?" Well if an empath says this to you, they actually mean it. Empaths can pick up on almost any emotion, so by the time they have reached a certain age they have experienced almost every emotion in the book. This means empaths can be a lot more understanding and compassionate than most individuals because they know what it feels like to be dealing with the same types of feelings. They can also sense a person's genuine intentions, so this makes them even more empathetic and compassionate than others.
Crowds Are Often Overwhelming
Individuals with intuitive empathy can often be overwhelmed by crowds. The huge amount of noise and conflicting emotions can lead to a feeling of sensory overload. It might be difficult to stay centered and grounded when around crowds, and you may feel 'lost' in the emotions of others. Individuals who exhibit this sign may have difficulty in places like malls, airports, sporting events, parades, and other areas that have many people. One thing that may help when dealing with crowds is to focus on your own internal emotions. Rather than letting the feelings of others influence you, you should pay attention to what's happening in your own head.
Negativity Is Overwhelming
Empaths often find negativity is overwhelming. Some individuals develop intuitive empathy as a result of growing up in volatile home environments, which can make them even more sensitive to negative atmospheres. Other people tend to have varying tolerance levels for anger, conflict, and raised voices. However, empaths have little to no tolerance for these things. Negative atmospheres can have a detrimental effect, leading empaths to feel anxious, nauseous, and like they're in pain. They might crave a calm, peaceful environment. Many empaths take on an appeasing role in their social relationships, whether that be romantic relationships, relationships with children, friendships, or work relationships. They may sacrifice their own point of view or desires to keep from troubling the waters.
Low Pain Tolerance
If you're an empath, you may have a low pain tolerance, which means it's harder for you to deal with physical pain than for others. Dealing with minor injuries, feeling nauseated, and getting shots are all experiences that can make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. You might even have had doctors express surprise that you experience pain or discomfort with normally-painless procedures. For some individuals with intuitive empathy, doctor's offices and hospitals can send their senses into overdrive because they're picking up on the fear and discomfort of the people surrounding them. Empaths may also feel faint when they get injured or have to deal with pain.
Easy To Spot Lies
Empaths often find it quite easy to spot lies. They might also be more sensitive about the truth. Many intuitive empaths get extremely upset when they or their loved ones are lied to. Even well-meaning white lies or lies of omission can be upsetting. Empaths notice lies because they pick up on the subconscious emotional cues of those around them. When they're attuned to what a person is feeling and how they communicate, falsehoods and discrepancies become much more apparent. Empaths typically prefer to have proof of facts rather than taking others at face value. They may be sensitive because of having been lied to in the past.
More Sensitive To Medications
Many empaths report being more sensitive to medications than the average person. This often means they might also have a high sensitivity to stimulants. While others can't get by without a morning cup of coffee, caffeine may make you feel agitated and anxious if you are an empath. If you have caffeine in the afternoon or evening, you won't be able to sleep at night. You may find you have frequent side effects or intolerant reactions to different medications. Instead of being able to manage average prescribed doses, empaths may only be able to take a fraction of the medicine without experiencing side effects. This can make it difficult to find medications that work for any number of conditions, both temporary and chronic.

I really do not like this time of year. I have been like that sense 1969 when my grandpa died on Christmas day. It seems like that all the really upsetting and depressing things come at the end of the year. Today was no execption. I got up to some a conflict with a coupld friends then i had to go get a second mameogramn. I now need to get a biopsy on 3 places, and the conflict from the morning seems to be still going on. My family is most likely not going to have a gathering this Christmas, and this all comes at tmes in December. That is why I try to have all my Christmas shopping done before the depression hits. I kinda feel like Charlie Brown I should be happy but I do not feel it.
I wish I was happy but I am not. My neighbor decorated our whole unit really lovely and even that does not lift my spirits. I should be ok after the first of the year MAYBE if that biopsy comes out negative.

I didn't write this but who ever did >>>> my thoughts exactly !

I don’t give a Rats ass, who this offends, but I stand by it. War is coming, sooner or later! You the Government!! You are all a bunch of coward pansy asses,, You raised the cost of living so high that both parents are always at work, rather than spending time with their kids (single parents stand no chance). You took God out of schools. Parents were told 'No you can't discipline your kids'. Well, now most of those kids are rude and out of control. You shall reap what you sow! We have taken a whole generation and turned them into selfish, entitled brats who have no respect for people, property or authority! You deem people with terminal illnesses and some with only a few months to live…fit for work!!! You allow our veterans of war to go homeless and hungry but give out millions to foreign aid!!! You save drug addicts over and over again but refuse to give free diabetic supplies to those who need them to stay alive. You bend over backwards to be politically correct, too scared to say enough is enough, in case you offend someone. You put the retirement age up so people must work until they drop. You take care of prisoners and give them everything under the sun (food, medical, education, representation, money, rehabilitation) yet you cause the elderly, those that have paid their debt to society and their families, to go broke caring for them either at home or in a nursing home... THINGS NEED TO CHANGE!

It is said that life is a gift from God. It should be spent with maximum happiness and love.Perhaps there is no greater gift that God has given us than life. People who lead life with extreme sadness. In fact, they are not religious. They dishonor life, the precious thing given to them by God. That is why someone has rightly said that everyone gets life according to his deeds. And he should thank God in his life and live with full happiness. Yes we can certainly try to improve our lives.There are many people who are always happy with their life and feel very positive. Such people spread happiness wherever they go. They like to make others happy and to be happy themselves

Life is hard, you need to be strong from inside.

 Finishing everything is not the solution, your life is not just yours.

 Tears are words that can’t be explained.