leilakalomi

 
Adăugat: 07.09.2014
Quality is better then Quanity.
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WHAT DO YOU DO ?

   What do you do when you do things you were told were right by your boss, and your coworkers tell you you are wrong?   What do you do when people who's opinion you trust think you are messing up, because they were given an inaccurate assessment of a situation?   What do you do when someone uses passive aggressive behavior  in an attempt to force you to do things their way even if their way is not the right way?   What do you do when you can feel the ground shaking in a bad way and there is no earthquakes?   What do you do when those you have counted on relied on and trusted are angry at you for trying to do things the best way you know how?   What do you do when someone says your whole world centers around one thing and it is really true, because you really have nothing else in your life that gives you any joy because of all the sadness that has been in your life for several years , except the thing you have placed in the center to keep your mind off the bad things?   What do you do when you look to a friend for support and help, and they give you a lecture about everything they THINK you are doing wrong when others think you are doing things right?   What do you do when you can not find any peace in your real life because of things you can not control like constant on going construction all day and night yards from your bedroom?  What do you do when you find yourself just sitting and crying for no reason that your conscious mind can pin point?   What do you do when you got a birthday coming up in 4 days and you are sure no one will remember it?, because everyone is so wrapped up in things going on in their own lives?   Some of my relatives are dealing with a death.   He will be burred tomorrow, after a long illness.   Some of my relatives are dealing with their own illnesses.   Some of them are dealing with my nephews cancer that has came back for the 4th time in the past decade.   I do not want people to think that I think my birthday is more important then the things I have listed.   I understand the bigger and worse things must take the center of peoples minds.   It is just sad for me when I turned 50 no one took notice .   I had no party no cake or ice cream and only a very few cards.   Now I will be turning 60 and I can see no one will take notice of this either.   I would be lying if I said I was not a tiny bit jealous, when my sister-in-law turned 60 they had a big catered party for her.   I never let anyone see how hurt I am when I am ignored on special days.   That is why I blog as a way of getting my feelings out without anyone in my family ever knowing.   I make a point of not having any of them on my friends list on this profile, because to be honest I feel a little embarrassed that I feel this way.   I should worry more about trying to help them through their problems then about  me not getting cake and ice cream on my birthday.    I have a niece who does get me a shamrock shake for my birthday she has been doing it for years  :)  , but I really doubt she will remember this year and I will totally understand if she forgets this year.   You see the death I mentioned the one that is being burred tomorrow  is her grandpa.   He is the only grandfather she ever knew my dad was dead long before she was born.   I know this is going to be hard on her and her mom.   Her grandpa was a really wonderful man.   He was a truck driver most of his life , and really handsome.   He loved my niece so much she was his first grand child.   Why when so many people I love are having such a hard time, Why am I dwelling on how sad I am?   I actually already know the answer to that one.   It is because I can control my actions like not letting them see I am upset so they can concentrate on what they must, but I can not control how I feel.   It is important to put the needs of those you love above your own especially when they are having such a hard time, but it is impossible to keep the emotions from coming.
     I am trying desperately to turn the negativity around into something positive.   I can not bring my sister-in-laws dad back so I have decided to try to paint her a picture of him.   I am not great with people so this will take some time, but if I am lucky I will have it done by Christmas.   By then maybe her pain will let up enough that she will be able to see why I painted it.